Uncertainty

Life sucks and is full of uncertainties. With things that are most of the time beyond our reach to handle. Most times, things feel unfair and overwhelming in so many ways.

Uncertainty sparks fear, fear of the unknown. Fear that things might not go well or did not go as we intended to or originally planned to be. One inborn error is to feel that life is created and reserved for us. Life is always full of options and one option might often delete another. Dread is where we feel we took the wrong option, stuck in wondering whether we took the different path. Path with a slightest of hope where everything is just better and things are not as rotten as the real path. Perhaps, there’s also a factor of capability where we wished to have something more out of ourselves that could help us reach our innermost failed wishes or desires. We often blame ourselves for the things that we thought are responsible for our recent dog shit condition. Even though it’s never beyond our mere speculations.

Often we feel we are at our downfall. Rock bottom where we reject to see there’s still good in current condition. Or we feel things could only go lower. Helpless and disappointed, we try and fail to rationalize our feelings. The only thing left is an indescribable feeling of pain, remorse, and guilt. In the other hand, sometimes we feel the solution is only one finger away. “Pull the trigger champ.” Soon everything feels like a distant slumber. Where waking up doesn’t hurt because we no longer have to.

We stray far from reality because we feel we longer need it. One way or another thinking just adds more pain. We all have daydreamed on how we wish things to be. We enjoy it because it gave us meaning. Meaning of somewhere in a distant future, all problems have been solved and the only thing to do is to enjoy what you have with little to no worrisome. It gave us a sense of something is still worth fighting for. It could be anything. It could be the sound of your daughter or son calling your name, it could be the day you finally united with your loved one and knowing that you’d live together for the rest of your life. Even though it’s years away and living through another month already feels unbearable, but the thought of it reminds another breath is worth living for the awaited day.

I hope you make it champ, we are all going to make it.